Of course, it’s been years since fashion shows have been strictly about fashion and even longer since anyone staged a show without even a little kitsch. But last week’s message was so diffuse that the clothes seemed almost incidental to the goings-on. A furor over models’ fees started the buzz. Modelgate actually erupted last fall, when designers tried to slash costs, claiming that megamodels were pulling in upwards of $10,000 per day. In the end, both sides agreed to a $250- to $700-an-hour sliding scale, but then word leaked last week that the Federal Trade Commission is investigating whether Seventh Avenue used ““unfair practices’’ to hold the line.

Nonsense, the fashionites say. Fern Mallis, executive director of the Council of Fashion Designers of America, says she assumed the FTC didn’t understand that the agreement was nonbinding. ““Models are like movie stars – they make their own decisions,’’ agrees Ford Models president Joseph Hunter. ““If they weren’t happy with what was happening, they wouldn’t do the show.’’ What’s a supermodel to do? After a decade on the catwalks, Christy Turlington, for one, sat out this round. On the other hand, Claudia Schiffer and Naomi Campbell worked the shows. So did waif girl Kate Moss. And model-of-the-moment Nadja Auermann was everywhere, towering, Teutonic and pouty in everything from Anna Sui’s dominatrix eye patches to Mizrahi’s Hollywood halters and pencil skirts.

Bad-boy actor Mickey Rourke was everywhere, too, but not always welcome. Nearly four months after Rourke was arrested on charges of spousal abuse, his ex-wife, supermodel Carre Otis, got a restraining order barring him from any show she was in. Rourke avoided Otis, but he sure checked out other shows – movie research, he said. It set off a game of cat-and-mouse in which the tabloids, and CFDA security guards, monitored his every move. Early Thursday, Rourke reportedly got booted out of The Plaza hotel after allegedly trashing his $5,000-a-night suite. (Plaza officials declined to comment.) That afternoon Rourke looked tired and distressed as his entourage boosted him onto the runway after Oscar de la Renta’s show.

For celebrity-watchers, the week was worse than a badly turned hem. It started out promisingly, with the tout fashion party thrown by Tina Brown on Oct. 28 to celebrate The New Yorker’s tout fashion issue, a 248-page wet kiss to designer royalty. After that the boldfaced names stayed home. Marc Jacobs delayed his show 45 minutes waiting for no-show Madonna and late-show Johnny Depp (whose girlfriend, Kate Moss, seemed miffed). Only Calvin Klein pulled in megawatt pals like Kim Basinger, Peter Gallagher and Lauren Hutton. The most amusing tableau came at Mizrahi’s show, where Bloomingdale’s senior vice president for fashion, Kalman Ruttenstein, sat for nearly an hour gallantly pointing his battery-operated fan toward his seatmate – singer Mariah Carey.

And what about the clothes? A year after they stripped fashion down to its slip dress, designers rushed to re-frock. Too bad they couldn’t decide whether they want American women to be good girls or bad girls. Designers who showed virginal sweater sets and gingham checks also did racy bra tops and stiletto heels. Like the Europeans, some American designers embraced retro glamour – Richard Tyler’s wide-shouldered jackets at Anne Klein, Mizrahi’s jumpsuits that looked like they were made for Rosie the Riveter. Others flirted with Helmut Newton’s smoldering glam – Anna Sui’s sheer dresses worn over black satin undies, Todd Oldham’s languid gold gowns.

Of course, there were reali-ty checks. Ralph Lauren showed an eminently wearable, if not revolutionary, collection of trousers, jackets and dress-es. Calvin Klein offered minimalist suits in a minimalist palette of black, white and gray. And Donna Karan mixed body-hugging jackets, skinny skirts and halter dresses into a collection that was sexy and smashing. Still, designers on both sides of the Atlan-tic seem more intent on costuming women than dressing them. Giorgio Armani calls it lazy designing. ““This isn’t Berlin. Nazism doesn’t exist anymore, and Marlene Dietrich isn’t around,’’ Armani told Women’s Wear Daily a few days before the New York collections. With so much confusion, no wonder the Wonder Bra is the biggest fashion hit of the year.

Far from the shock for chic’s sake that bubbled over last week’s spring fashion shows in New York, you’ll find Ellen Tracy design director Linda Allard. While others offered Lurex waistcoats and aloha-print bra tops (in sizes that only models can manage), Allard once again offered the classic and practical. Her pantsuits and sundresses came in a splash of colors – with the matching shoes her customers love. For years she has been producing clothing that women with normal bodies can wear and professional women can afford. In design daring and price, Ellen Tracy falls between Ralph Lauren and Liz Claiborne; an Allard jacket costs about $400. Her customer, she says, ““probably has a lot more on her mind than fashion.''

Such sensibilities have helped make her a favorite of career women, which in turn makes her popular with retailers, who know that she will generate volume. Under Allard, the company says, Ellen Tracy has tripled its business over the last decade. For Allard, 54, reality doesn’t bite, it sells.